my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
