he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
