I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
