Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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