giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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