This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
