dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
