i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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