Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
