your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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