I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
