Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
