you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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