Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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