you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
