i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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