I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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