Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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