I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
