I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
