It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
