i think my tv is drunk
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
