we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
