sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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