so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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