Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
