just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
