You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
