I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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