I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
