Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
