Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so let's talk penis.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
