I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
