Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
