guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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