I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
