Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
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well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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