I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
