yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
