i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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