you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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