She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize