I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
