how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
