I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
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he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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