I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
