he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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