You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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