And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
