I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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