I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
