I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
