So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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