saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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