If i come over, it means nothing
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
