The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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