You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
