Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
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As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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