My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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