More tranny stories later!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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