Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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