I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
