Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
