your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize