It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
