it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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