After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
