I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
