Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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