Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
