While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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