I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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